Oscar Lays A Giant Egg: Best And Worst Moments from Oscars 2010

My first impression last night was that the Oscar telecast laid a giant egg, perhaps the worst and most boring Oscars show of the modern era. After sleeping on it, I must agree with myself. The night was utterly forgettable, the show meandering along with very few entertaining moments, as if the giant black cloud hovering over the visual look of Tim Burton’s Alice In Wonderland shifted course from movie theaters around the globe late Sunday, coalescing into a single giant blob and planting itself directly above the Kodak Theater for the night. [Read Jabcat’s Alice In Wonderland review]

From Neil Patrick Harris and the ridiculous opening musical act, to the mismatched low-energy hosts (Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin), to the parade of anonymous winners on their way to the final curtain, the Academy Awards succeeded in only one thing, stealing away a perfectly good Sunday night, one filled with promise and the hype of a dazzling spectacle, and dashing my expectations as it’s done so often in recent years.

My post about the show last night already handed Mr. Neil Patrick Harris and the producers their high hats for subjecting us to that puzzling, awkward, uninspired musical number that opened the telecast. It was especially grating to see this after the producers promised “the most dynamic opening, from drama to spectacle to humor, that has ever been staged.” Somehow I knew it would all be downhill from there.

Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin should have stayed backstage in their Snuggies all night. Maybe then the show would have had a fighting chance. Instead we were treated to their opening routine, short on creativity and laughs, with Martin and Baldwin repeating that old shtick from years past where the host points out all the glittering movie stars in the audience and makes fun of them (but not too much fun). “Look, there’s Matt Damon.” Look, it’s George Clooney.” “Helen Mirren is here tonight.” Obligatory shot of named movie star smiling boldly, sitting stoically, or in Clooney’s case looking disgusted, which would have been funny if only we could believe he was really annoyed, rather than putting on pre-rehearsed airs.

But let’s move on, shall we, to the rest of the proceedings. The opening musical act and co-host comedy roast are behind us (thankfully). The rest of the show awaits. What else happened during the telecast? What, pray tell, are the Best and Worst Moments of the 2010 Oscars?

Best Moment: Miley Cyrus and Amanda Seyfried
After a dull beginning, the evening’s first moment of liveliness and true emotion came when Miley Cyrus and Amanda Seyfried stepped onstage to award Best Song. They seemed a strange duo to pair in some respects. Cyrus is still working to shed her Disney image. Seyfried, with Dear John, has already arrived. But there they were. Cyrus was nervous and it showed. The nerves were cute and real. Thank goodness for some spontaneity.

Best Moment: T-Bone Burnett
Anyone whose first name is a juicy steak gets props to begin with. Ole T-Bone strode to the podium wearing dark black sunglasses, with his Best Song (from Crazy Heart) co-winner Ryan Bingham. The dark shades routine can be tiresome and pretentious (“Look at me, I’m famous. No, don’t look at me”.) But T-Bone pulled it off. But that’s not the Best Moment I’m referring to. The memorable moment occurred when T-Bone arrived at the podium, took his Oscar statuette and didn’t say a word! Now that’s impressive. If you’re going to hide behind dark shades at least have the courtesy to follow through and keep your mouth shut. Doing so when you’ve won on Oscar and find yourself standing in front of a billion people, that’s the bomb. T-Bone did it and for keeping his mouth shut earned a Best Moment.

Worst Moment: Clips of Best Picture Nominees
There are two basic ways to handle this. You can pick a moment in the film, a single scene that shows the movie’s power or its goods and let it roll. Or you can splice together different moments from the film and present a short trailer. The latter is hokey and disjointed. That’s what the producers opted for this year. I say get me involved in one continuous moment from the movie that shows why it’s nominated for Best Picture. We see enough movie trailers every day and live with the annoyance of being told everything that happens in a film before we ever see it. We don’t need the same at the Oscars, even if we have seen the films. Remind us why it’s great, don’t give us a traveling slide show.

Best Moment: Robert Downey, Jr. and Tina Fey
Funniest co-presenters of the night, bantering back and forth about writers v. actors before awarding Best Original Screenplay. 

Best Moment: Molly Ringwald and Matthew Broderick
Perhaps the most honest and emotional moment of the night occurred when the former teen queen (Sixteen Candles, Pretty In Pink, etc.) and Ferris Bueller paid tribute to John Hughes. “Bueller . . . . . . Bueller . . . . . . Bueller . . .” And considering Ringwald had a baby not too long ago, she looked ‘absolutely mahvelous’. [Oh, how we pine for Billy Crystal.]

Best Moment: Kristen Stewart Brooding
At the end of the John Hughes tribute, the camera cut to KStew brooding in the audience next to Taylor Lautner. Priceless.

Worst Oscar Moment: Wining Speeches
If I hear another Oscar winner kiss the butt of their director by referring to his or her “vision” during their acceptance speech I’m going to puke. You’ve just won an Oscar, you idiot. You are onstage, the shining moment of your life, and what do you do? You take the opportunity to demonstrate to the world what a brown-nosing loser you are by prostrating yourself in front of a billion people and paying hackneyed compliments to the Big Kahuna of your film. I know Hollywood people make a living out of kissing other people’s rears, but really, do we have to hear this crap? If you’re going to do it, at least change the script!

Worst Moment: Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin Off Stage Parody Skit
When they cut away to Martin and Baldwin watching TV in their Snuggies, that was kind of funny. But before that happened we had to endure an earlier skit of the co-hosts sleeping in the same hotel bed, doing a lame parody of Paranormal Activity. It came off as two semi-old hosts trying to be relevant by making fun of a movie that appealed to people much younger and hipper than them.

Best Moment: Kristen Stewart Coughs
Not only did she look sullen and embarrassed to be onstage (an apt reaction to what was happening around her) she actually turned her head away from the camera (and the audience) and coughed during her presenting lines. Must have had a tickle in her throat, suppressing a derisive laugh.

Worst Moment: Taylor Lautner Wears A Tuxedo
Onstage with KStew as co-presenter, Jacob looked a few inches too short, almost like a little kid without his shirt off, stuck in high class duds he couldn’t quite pull off. I think there may have been a limo waiting outside to take him to the Prom.

Worst Moment: Morgan Freeman Narrates Sound Editing Video
Was this a joke? Did you hear what I heard? I could swear, Morgan Freeman’s voiceover on the pre-recorded video that explained sound editing before the Sound Editing Oscar came off muffled, like he was faraway or in another room. The worst quality sound I’ve ever heard. Now, let’s give a Sound Editing Oscar!

Best Moment: Zac Efron and Anna Kendrick Actually Read The Nominees Live
This duo was, if I’m not mistaken, the first pair of presenters who actually read the list of nominees live onstage for the Oscar they were presenting. Before they stepped up and performed their lines flawlessly it seemed that every award had a brief live intro by the presenter(s) followed by a pre-recorded tape of the nominees names. When Efron and Kendrick did it live we got to hear the audience reaction, without the audience mikes turned down. That made the presentation more exciting. Memo to Oscar producers. Let the stars perform live when they present, even if they have to wear their glasses to read the prompter or talk over images playing on the screen behind them. It’s a live show. Let it breathe.

Worst Moment: “Ladies and gentleman (pause), Elizabeth . . . ”
Who could it be? Who’s coming out from behind that curtain? The announcer sounds all serious and impressed with who he is about to introduce, treating us to a pretentious and pregnant pause. You’ve got us primed. We’re on the edge of our seats. Could it be . . . Elizabeth . . . Taylor? . . . Elizabeth . . . Queen of England? . . . No, it’s Elizabeth Banks . . . and she’s here to tell us about the Oscars for Scientific and Technical Achievement. Oh joy.

Worst Moment: Strangest Couple Presenting Together
That would be Jennifer Lopez and Sam Worthington. Don’t ask me why. I just don’t get it.

Best Moment: Sam Worthington And His Horn-Rimmed Glasses
He wore them during Oscar rehearsals but we had no idea he’d use them on the Big Night. Mr. Avatar, Mr. Terminator: Salvation, Mr. Clash Of The Titans, has funny retro horn-rimmed reading glasses and he’s not afraid to wear them in front of the entire world so he can read the teleprompter. I guess the fear of flubbing his lines outweighed the fear of looking kind of funky. If you ask me, it was a good funky. I’m just disappointed the horn-rimmed jobs mysteriously disappeared when Sam and Jennifer reappeared after the dance medley and announced the winner.

Worst Moment That Was Also Hilarious: The Robot Dancer
The dance medley had some great acrobatics and impressive eye-catching moves. And then there was the guy doing the Robot (during the dance routine for Up), his arms askew, forearms hanging down like limp noodles, body moving in herky-jerky automated rhythm. For a second I thought the DeLorean had taken me for a ride and I was back in 1980!

Best Moment: The Creativity Speech
Michael Giacchino’s acceptance speech after winning Best Musical Score for Up implored people, especially kids to be creative. Well done. If only the producers of this year’s show could have heard his speech before planning the telecast.

Farewell
That’s it, I’m afraid. The show continued, the big awards revealed, Hurt Locker crushing Avatar. I watched to the end, but I must have lost my mojo after the dance medley because nothing else registered, good or bad, until it was over (except Babs stealing the spotlight when announcing Best Director and Tom Hanks seeming less confused then he was on Regis and Kathy Lee . . I mean Regis and Kelly the other day). You might say the Oscars limped to the finish line. I was sorely disappointed, as you can tell, notwithstanding a few bright spots. It was a harrowing experience but I remain an eternal optimist. After all, there’s always next year.

Tagged as: Film, Movies